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Redneck Housing Sales Tips

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Posted 04-04-2012 at 03:16 PM by Roy Sanborn

There were 59 single family homes sold in February in the twelve towns covered by this Lakes Region real estate report. The average sales price came in at $209,025 with 72% of the sales coming in under the $200,000 mark. That’s an 18% increase over the 50 sales last February although the average sales price took a slight drop from the $216,025 amount posted last year. For the first two months of 2012 the total number of sales in these towns are up 22%. Not a bad way to start the year off!

I watched some of the Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable guy, and Bill Engvall’s HBO comedy special the other night. It was called “Them Idiots, Whirled Tour. ” Jeff Foxworthy is well known for his “You might be a redneck if…” jokes. These guys are extremely funny. Maybe not to the Madison Avenue crowd, but to “blue collar” folks that make up a lot of this country. Anyway, it confirmed my opinion that even in this part of the “whirled,” the Lakes Region that is, there are plenty of rednecks. I consider myself at least part redneck and I’m proud of it. But as a REALTOR® I am keenly aware that sometimes redneck habits and housekeeping can be a bit of a deterrent when it comes to selling a home. But sometimes not…

Here are some key indicators to help you determine if you are a redneck homeowner and some recommended corrective measures if you are trying to sell your home. You might be a redneck home owner if: You have two snow machines in your front yard…and it is July. Definitely remove them. If you have three cars in the driveway and two of them are on blocks. Remove the disabled ones or put the wheels back on. If you have a tree that has grown up through the camper trailer in the yard please remove the tree and the camper. If there is more crap in your yard than in your house please go to the dump. The crap in your yard is not going to sell and neither is your house while it is there.

You might be a redneck home owner if you have more than one blue tarp covering articles of questionable value in your yard. Blue might be a nice color, but remove the tarps and the junk underneath them. If the blue tarp is covering your roof because it leaks call Lakes Region Roofing and you will increase your odds of selling by 100%. If your home still has Tyvek showing on one or more sides, finish the siding on your home! While rednecks consider Tyvek a low maintenance siding, most other buyers don’t. If you used old license plates to side a part of your home or the garage, remove them.

If you still have one of those six foot wire mesh satellite dishes in your yard you might be a redneck homeowner or at the very least technologically obsolete. Remove it. The same goes for the three antennas on the roof. If your grass is taller than your dog, cut it. Get rid of the six foot tall “burn pile” in the back yard. I know you wanted to wait until the 4th of July, but you can’t.

The inside of your castle is also important. If you have more than three dead animals on the wall it could be an issue. It could offend some, but you don’t necessarily have to remove them. This is NH after all. If duct tape is the main tool in your arsenal to repair things inside the home you have a problem. Call, or use your CB radio to call, a professional and get things fixed correctly. If the only light bulb in your basement is the one at the end of a twenty foot long, frayed extension cord near the back of the room, no one is going down there and no one is going to buy the place. Varnished plywood is not an acceptable flooring alternative.

Now there are places in this “whirled” where redneck homes are totally acceptable; in neighborhoods of redneck homes that is. I call them “pockets of redneck lifestyle.” Redneck homes are often bought by other rednecks without a second thought. But it can still be tough to sell a redneck home, especially if you are the only one in the neighborhood. If you feel that you could be a the lone redneck homeowner in your neighborhood, take a step out your front door and look both left and right. If there are no cars on blocks or snow machines on the front lawns of your neighbors and you have one or both you are definitely the Lone Ranger here. This might also explain why your neighbors have never talked to you…

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