We were in the exact same situation as the OP -- down to the @&$^@C% relative. We have an asphalt driveway. Here's what worked and what didn't:
First tried Dawn and a ton of elbow grease. Stain was a week old. No result, except that whenever it rains (or we spray the driveway with water) white bubbles still come up.
WD40 also had no impact. We also tried some oil removers suggested by a hardware store (not local), but were a little hesitant as we were concerned the chemicals would damage the asphalt. No luck with these either.
Tried kitty litter next, letting sit for 24 hours. This may have had some impact, but not a lot, and it was incredibly difficult to clean. It had gotten damp overnight, causing it to turn into a sticky mess. It also left white rings around the stains.
Then switched to speedy dry, left for two weeks, drove over it with the car. This worked well. It also left the asphalt bright white where it had been applied, but this was easy to fix by wetting it (after removing all the excess we could) and then scrubbing it with the bristle brush.
We also left some smaller stains as a "control" and noticed that they did fade with time. Perhaps we won't go through the same process for every little stain.
Hope this helps!
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