[TiltonBB]

Turns out my top 3 hobbies are: eating at restaurants, going to nonessential businesses, touching my face.

People keep asking “is coronavirus really that serious?” Listen up! Casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious!

Cops these days will be like…come out with your hands washed!

I’m as bored as an Amish electrician.

And just like that…having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK.

50 million children being home schooled by gun owning parents and not one single school mass shooting. Arming teachers works!!!

I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!

Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!

With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship…It’s on Paperview.

Sitting at the bar in the kitchen at night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number. WTH…

It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for fifteen years.

Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?