priest who will marry son/fiance [Archive]

pit martin

03-10-2010, 03:43 PM

Steveo

03-10-2010, 04:22 PM

My daughter got married at Church Landing last September and had the same problem with her priest - Greek Orthodox though. What she did was have the ceremony at CL with a Justice of the Peace and then had a less formal, private marriage ceremony with our priest back home later. The JP was very good and from the Meredith area.

Shedwannabe

03-10-2010, 04:25 PM

He never even got to mention that they would prefer not being required to attend any classes sometimes required.

This post reminds me of reading Ann Landers and trying to decide if there was any way possible that the letter wasn't a joke to see what kind of response it would get.

If this is a serious request...perhaps you should read what you wrote to find out why you are having a problem finding someone to comply with your request.

birchhaven

03-10-2010, 04:34 PM

A Catholic wedding has to be performed in a church or on holy ground, you can get married outside by a JP and then have a priest bless your vows at a later date for the church to recognize the marriage. You will not get a priest to perform an outside wedding sorry.

ITD

03-10-2010, 06:48 PM

brk-lnt

03-10-2010, 07:09 PM

This post reminds me of reading Ann Landers and trying to decide if there was any way possible that the letter wasn't a joke to see what kind of response it would get.

If this is a serious request...perhaps you should read what you wrote to find out why you are having a problem finding someone to comply with your request.

Why is it so hard to believe that someone feels they can have faith, and also not need to be lectured to about making a commitment? The Catholic church does not exactly have the best record in the Boston area for priests upholding THEIR vows.

CGI3

03-10-2010, 08:00 PM

Nagigator

03-10-2010, 08:33 PM

Didn't we all just agree to not be discussing this kind of topic?

Pineedles

03-10-2010, 08:46 PM

The Rev. Farah isn't doing anything these days, YET!

Island Girl

03-10-2010, 09:39 PM

I am sure the question is serious. My daughter had the same problem. She lived in the DC area and wanted to come back to MA and marry in an antique church in the center of a small MA town. Her father was the curator of the building. She could not find any priest to do the marriage.

We called all over the place and were denied. I even wrote to Sen. Ted Kennedy and never received a reply. I figured he had some pull with the Diocese in Boston.

She ended up with a quirly JP and the Catholic church lost a family.

I later heard that if you look in very very liberal areas you might find a priest or a retired priest who will perform a ceremony away from a consecreated church. I would look in the Amherst, MA area if I were doing it again.

Good Luck

IG

brk-lnt

03-10-2010, 09:39 PM

Didn't we all just agree to not be discussing this kind of topic?

Well, they ARE looking to get married in the Lakes Region. And besides, why are you calling me out? I'm not the first one that started to turn this from a simple question to a personal rant.

Pepper

03-10-2010, 09:48 PM

My son from Boston and his fiance from south of Boston, are getting married in Meredith in Sept. He his having difficulty finding a priest who will perform the ceremony(which wil be at Church Landing under a tent). We have checked with several Catholic churches who will not accomodate them because they are not members of their church. He never even got to mention that they would prefer not being required to attend any classes sometimes required.Any help would be appreciated. thanks

I'm guessing that your future daughter-in-law is Catholic, and is hoping to have a "church wedding" at Church landing. Sadly, as there is no longer a Catholic Church located there, this will be impossible.

There are, in any organized religion, certain rules. The Catholic Church is no exception - in fact their rules are stricter than most. Wedding ceremonies are only performed inside a church or in a location considered to be holy ground. I'm surprised your son's fiance was not aware of this. Additionally, in order for any couple to be married by a Catholic Priest, they must first attend the prescribed Pre Canna, or preparation-for-marriage sessions. Again, I'm very surprised the bride is not aware of this requirement.

Many disagree with the rigid structure of the Catholic Church, as is their right. However, it is equally within the right of the Church to uphold their tenets.

It is unfortunate that your son and his bride-to-be will likely not have the wedding they envisioned. Perhaps they might be willing to enlist the services of an Episcopal Priest - the service is remarkably similar, and the location is much less of an issue. It would certainly be worth a call to one of the local Episcopal Churches in this area.

I wish them the very best of luck as they search for the perfect solution, and as they embark on the road of life together!

Wolfeboro_Baja

03-10-2010, 09:57 PM

Just one more reason why I don't do religion. I don't need religion to know right from wrong.

Island Girl

03-10-2010, 09:58 PM

JFK jr. got married by a priest in a Baptist chapel. I googled it ...

"Permissions can be granted, but a compelling reason must be presented...
The only example I can think of is about 10 years ago, when JFK Jr. got married, special permission was done to hold it in a small Protestant parish for security reasons - they did it on the sly so the media would not be hounding them...
But if you don't have that or a similar problem, chances are pretty good permissions for a wedding outside a church will not be granted! "

Then again... it could be who you know!! (I am being a tad obnoxious abou this given my experience)

Airwaves

03-10-2010, 10:35 PM

Contact the Manchester Diocese, I am sure that they can find someone who will be available to help.

piper_chuck

03-11-2010, 06:13 AM

JFK jr. got married by a priest in a Baptist chapel. I googled it ...

"Permissions can be granted, but a compelling reason must be presented...

Yup, compelling rea$on. In the case of the Kennedy family, they were probably able to offer plenty of "rea$on$" to compel the church.

NoRegrets

03-11-2010, 08:23 AM

It's the site of the old Saint Charles church. I still feel a bit uneasy kicking back in the lounge, and having a few more than I should. Heck, both my kids were baptised there! It still has to be somewhat holy, no?

No, The Catholic church has a very formal ritual for moving a Church. They have a decomissioning ceremony. It is preformed just like a mass. When the ceremony is done all the blessed artifacts have been removed and there is no longer a holy sacristry (the place all holy artifacts are saved like cruets, chalice, ciborium, paten, altar linens and sometimes the Holy Oils). We had a new church built in Hudson NH and it was impressive to see the process.

SO next time you are at Church Landing feel comfortable to kick back and live a little without the guilt! :liplick:

jmen24

03-11-2010, 08:31 AM

Yup, compelling rea$on. In the case of the Kennedy family, they were probably able to offer plenty of "rea$on$" to compel the church.

That's the magic phrase right there. If you make a donation to the local church than I will bet that the priest will do your wedding for you.

When researching our wedding, we were informed by the catholic church that we wanted to get married in, that because we had a child prior to marriage that we could not have our wedding at the church. We could however make a donation and they would see what they could do. Needless to say we found a nice outdoor venue and had a JP perform the ceremony. We are both confirmed in the catholic church as well.

BroadHopper

03-11-2010, 08:39 AM

We got married up here next to the lake. In order to do so my wife got a blessing from Notre Dame De Lourdes church in Lowell. That is her parish. I am formally a Baptist and now a Christian.

Because we have a blessing from her parish, we were able to get married at the Lady of the Lakes church in Lakeport, followed by a reception at the old Gunstock Ski Lodge in Gilford. We rented the Arlberg Inn for guests.

Not sure if rules have changed today. I have heard of weddings for out of state folks at St. Michaels at the Weirs.

If my daughters were to get married today, I would definitely use Lady of the lake or St. Micheals. Oliver's Lodge in Meredith for the reception, with Scott Oullette as caterer. Guests can stay at the lodge. Far better than Church's landing. I have attended weddings/receptions at Church's Landing and I am not impressed.

EllyPoinster

03-11-2010, 12:17 PM

Contact the Manchester Diocese, I am sure that they can find someone who will be available to help.

Don't bother. We recently inquired in Manchester about a similar situation and the answer is, if you want to be married "in the church" you literally have to be in the church. We were, however, offered the use of a church even though neither party is a member. A lot of Catholic churches won't do that.

rander7823

03-11-2010, 02:06 PM

My favorite was when my wife I went to the church she was baptised and confirmed in the preist said we have no record of your attendance. I looked him straight in the eye and said we put cash in the basket. We found a more reasonable Catholic Church to marry us. And thatw as 21 wonderful years ago.

pit martin

03-11-2010, 04:08 PM

Thank you so much for the replies to our posting. I showed them to my son who appreciated all the information the forum supplied to us. Also I was mistaken, my son said they would have no problem at all going to whatever pre cana meetings that would be required (my bad). thanks again

ITD

03-11-2010, 04:24 PM

No, The Catholic church has a very formal ritual for moving a Church. They have a decomissioning ceremony. It is preformed just like a mass. When the ceremony is done all the blessed artifacts have been removed and there is no longer a holy sacristry (the place all holy artifacts are saved like cruets, chalice, ciborium, paten, altar linens and sometimes the Holy Oils). We had a new church built in Hudson NH and it was impressive to see the process.

SO next time you are at Church Landing feel comfortable to kick back and live a little without the guilt! :liplick:

I believe they call the process "relegating to profane use".

Lakesrider

03-11-2010, 06:41 PM

I just got married in Kauai. The Saturday before the Non-Tsunami. Tell them to save the time looking for a Priest and go get married on the Beach. We had a blast and had a real Hawaiian wedding ceremony. Very romantic getting married without wearing shoes. We are having a party here in NH, for all those that couldn't make it out to Hawaii.

Or they could just hire an actor to play a Priest.....Who would know? :D

Ropetow

03-12-2010, 09:58 AM

WakeboardMom

03-12-2010, 10:15 AM

Try going to

http://www.rentapriest.com/

This a site of married Roman Catholic priests who are still performing their priestly duties, albeit outside of the confines of the official RC structure.

If you are more concerned about the spiritual aspect and less about the 'official' hierarchical aspect of Catholicism, this might be a good option.

THAT is a very cool resource, thank you!

I particularly like the way that you phrased the sentiment: "If you are more concerned about the spiritual aspect and less about the 'official' hierarchical' aspect of Catholicism..." I'm sure that there are many folks who can relate to that idea. Thank you for that as well.

jeffk

03-12-2010, 12:24 PM

I really find this thread very funny. There seems to be a lot of people very disturbed that a religious group that has been in existence for over 2000 years won't adjust their beliefs to accommodate the picture perfect wedding. I was in leadership in a church (not catholic) and there are significant reasons why these type of rules exist. First, the church isn't a McDonald's restaurant, drive by and order. A church exists to support members as a family, to support the marriage, to support the education of members and their children in the faith. That's not possible when the couple is only dropping by for the day. Also, I don't know how strong a faith this couple has but if they aren't that committed why do they have the expectation they can get a priest on demand? Why do you need a priest at all if your faith is only good on Easter or Christmas? Again, I don't know this couples situation.

It is my opinion that if the couple was significantly connected to the church they would have known about this issue beforehand. The church is not like a carpenter that comes to your house and does just what you want. It is a representative of a belief system that is not subject to individual whims. I will be the first to agree that often the dogma of a church is at times silly but in many other cases it is not. But I think that people who think the church behavior should be changed to suit their personal needs are rather self centered and foolish. They don't get the purpose of the church.

Now you can disagree with me and the church all you want. In that case go get a rent-a-priest or JP and be happy with your choice. I doubt it really makes that much of a difference to you except that you can't get what you wanted.

ApS

03-12-2010, 01:52 PM

I found it funny too, but for a very different reason. A national forum that bemoans progressive change to our Republic could have this as a headline:

"Priest who will marry son/fiance"

Few readers at that site would express surprise! :rolleye1: :emb:

Misty Blue

03-12-2010, 03:06 PM

First. Congratulations to the couple! brk's son and soon to be daughter in law are foutunate in deed to have such a caring family. Good luck!

What I have not seen in this thread is the mention that in the Catholic religion ( I am one) Marriage is a sacrament. The church doe's not perform "Church Weddings", the Church performs a Mass in which the Bride and Groom recieve the sacrament of marriage. If you want to go further, they recieve the grace of the holy spirit, etc. but that is another subject.

I am not sure why the marriage can't be done "outside" of the church building. It is true that there needs to be an alter, etc. for the Mass, but I am sure that Masses are being said by chaplains right now in fox holes in the gulf. Alters are portable.

As for the pre Cana. I was mad when I had to do it. I had to tavel two hours to Manchester, take the class and then travel two hours back for six weeks. After a complete catholic education I thought that it would be a wast of time. I was wrong.

The reason for the requirement, they said, was because the divorce rate among catholics in America was at 46%. An unheard of number only a few years before. What's more, the classes had very little to do with religion. It was about life. Knowing each other, money, chores, , children, in-laws, birth control ( I was suprised that they discussed ALL of the options) and many other useful tips. Was it worth it? 26 years later we're still runnen' up the stairs!

I do not know if it was asked but why not recieve the sacrament at St. Charles church and have the reception at chruch landing. St. Charles is right up the road and both places are drop beautiful.

Sorry, didn't mean to preach. My best to all and have a wonderrful life.

Misty Blue

MAXUM

03-13-2010, 01:55 PM

That is not entirely accurate Misty Blue. My wife and I got married in the Church and actually did something slightly different. The pastor of the church we were attending we did not particularly care for, therefore we decided that we did not want him to perform the ceremony. We did however have a deacon (who was ironically married himself) there who was outstanding, we asked him to perform our marriage. Obviously a deacon cannot perform a mass, but there is nothing that says when you get married a mass must be said. However we did get married in a church and frankly for anyone who is Christan and really understands the significance of what is taking place, where better to have it take place than in the presence of God and in his house.

I also agree with some of the other comments here, that the Church, no matter the denomination, is there to define the framework which represents the beliefs one must subscribe to in order to be a practicing member. If the individual does not like it then they don't have to participate, but nobody should expect the institution to change or waver on their behalf. To do so would be disingenuous and hypocritical.

Island Girl

03-13-2010, 02:04 PM

I agree that if an institution sets rules and one wants to be a member, then you follow the rules... much like this forum. What I find hypocritical is that a well connected person such as JFK jr can be married by a catholic priest in a baptist chapel and our forum member's child cannot be married by a prient, outside over looking one of God's greatest creations, Lake Winnipesaukee.

Good luck to pit martin's son in finding a way to be married in a meaningfull and spiritual place.

IG

Lucky1

03-17-2010, 11:54 PM

Church Landing is a lovely site for a wedding. I had a friend invite me to a wedding there last summer and it was wonderful.

I do have another friend who had an uncle who was a priest who performed their wedding ceremony at the Yale Club in NYC.

Perhaps it is good that people can talk about things like this and hear opinions and suggestions. I have a friend whose mother would not attend her wedding as she was not able to be married by a priest as the groom was divorced. This situation in the post here seems more minor as there are other ways they can have a priest marry them later etc.

Good luck and happy marriage which is much more important than the wedding ceremony!

Lucky1

03-18-2010, 12:00 PM

Shedwannabe

03-18-2010, 12:11 PM

Thank you for this site. Why is there no "thank you" box to click in some areas for posts at WF?

There is such a "Thank you" box. I have seen in many times.... Its just that, after searching, I haven't found how to make it happen. But it does exist....

TomC

03-18-2010, 01:24 PM

There is such a "Thank you" box. I have seen in many times.... Its just that, after searching, I haven't found how to make it happen. But it does exist....

webmaster enables it in certain threads - that's why you sometimes, but not always, see it. there is no way for you to make it happen.

webmaster

03-18-2010, 03:16 PM

Why is there no "thank you" box to click in some areas for posts at WF?http://www.winnipesaukee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9489

VtSteve

03-18-2010, 03:56 PM

Perhaps it is good that people can talk about things like this and hear opinions and suggestions. I have a friend whose mother would not attend her wedding as she was not able to be married by a priest as the groom was divorced. This situation in the post here seems more minor as there are other ways they can have a priest marry them later etc.

As with many rules within the church, many are bent, ignored, or just broken (quietly). Getting married within the Church after divorce is what I's call a negotiated deal. I've seen first hand just how expensive these negotiations can get. :rolleye2: