Colonoscopy in Wolfeboro.

[Lakesrider]

Anyone here use the Colonoscopy place in Wolfeboro Falls? Just wondering how it went and if they were good to work with. Time for my first visit for this procedure.....:)

Or for that matter if you have any other suggestions for a place to go to.:D

[Shreddy]

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the
colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point
passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because
my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR
BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription
for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold
a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now
suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of
America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In
accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all
I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder
together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water.
(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour,
because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture ofgoat
spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel
movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may
experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but,
have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the
MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you
wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much
confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink
another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your
bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not
even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not
only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing
occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I
spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?
Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and
totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to
a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little
curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital
garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on,
makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was
already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in
their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of
this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy
to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire
Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the
17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I
was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began
hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that
could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to
be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for
more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am
going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was
yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next
moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent.
I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and
that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of
an internal organ.

[GFP]

I am still wiping the tears from my eyes. That is a good laugh!

[Doyboy]

Instant classic, Shreddy!

[Skip]

That was a classic...only wish I had the pleasure of reading it before having the procedure done for the first time several years ago!

I still laugh when the recovery room nurse said that once I was fully awake I would be nauseous and not want to eat for some time. She definitely didn't know me or my stomach well.

30 minutes after I was released I was at the Miss Wakefield Diner, on my way north to my camp on Ossipee Lake.

They couldn't shovel the food fast enough into me! :D

Thanks for the laugh and the memories your story brought back Shreddy! :)

[upthesaukee]

Recommend Dr. Bowen on Union Ave. 569-9681. Great Dr and great staff.

[Shreddy]

My brother-in-law sent that to me a few months ago, I couldn't stop laughing and every time I read it I still die laughing. Figured everyone could enjoy! :laugh:

[Lakepilot]

Our family has used Dr. Bowen in Wolfeboro. He has an office near the town hall. We've also used Dr. Barton who is at Huggins. Both are very good, but the stuff they prescribe to clean you out is different. I prefer Dr. Bowens medication, but Dr. Barton will give you that prescription if you ask. It's Dr. Bill Barton - his brother is also at Higgins.

[Merrymeeting]

Giving credit where due, this piece was written by syndicated columnist Dave Barry. It is a classic!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/v-print/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

[Shreddy]

Giving credit where due, this piece was written by syndicated columnist Dave Barry. It is a classic!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/v-print/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

Yeah, wasn't too sure where it came from as I received it originally in a forwarded email. Thought I would share with everyone for a good laugh.

[beaner]

We've also used Bill Barton and have been very happy with his work and bedside manner.

BTW, do yourself a favor and pick up a tube of diaper rash ointment while you're at the pharmacy filling the prescrip for the prep medication. After the first "blow", subsequent explosions tend to feel like acid. However, if you apply Desitin to the "affected area" you will save yourself a world of pain. :D
Sometimes doctors don't mention this.